I thought it was The One.

There was another YES last month. In the middle of April. 

I thought it was THE ONE. 

I was so excited. 

It was just halfway through the first page that I knew that this was it. This one is meant for us and we are meant for them. 

After reading through all of the paperwork it was like there was nothing to talk about. It was an immediate YES! After checking with Bubba, because it was sooo obviously for us that I felt like we hardly had anything to discuss, i responded with a big YES!! We are in!! 

That was Friday afternoon. 

And then it was Easter weekend. Which I was so thankful for because it kept me busy from thinking about it constantly. Instead I just thought about it often. 

The deadline for submissions were Monday at 11 a.m. and I had hoped that we would hear back by Tuesday but figured that we would know if we were chosen for the top choices for an interview by Wednesday. Especially because her due date was only 2 weeks away. 

Tuesday came and went. 

Wednesday came. And we got THE EMAIL. The dreaded email that says someone else was chosen and that we weren't. 

Normally I would say something like "bummer," but this was a blow. a big blow. 

I had intentions of telling no one about this referral. Last time I told someone that we had said yes to a referral I had to go back and tell everyone that we weren't chosen. and that sucked. and made it that much harder. 

But I was so very excited and confident that we would at least be chosen for an interview or meeting with this couple that I couldn't contain my excitement and ended up telling a few people.Oops!

That also meant that I had to inform them that we weren't chosen. That sucked. Again. 

I'm learning through this process that it's a much bigger roller coaster than I thought it would be. It's more than what a person can imagine. When you visualize yourself going to a hospital and imaging a baby's face and you taking that baby home to love and then it doesn't happen. That's a blow that I could only imagine and the sadness is worse than I thought. 

I can't imagine having to physically go through a situation like that. Thankfully all of our situations have been hypothetical -- to a point. Real people. Real situations. But not physically chosen yet to then be denied at the hospital. Thankfully and hopefully that won't be us. 

After having a conversation with our caseworker, I feel a bit better about it. I "recovered" quicker with this one because we have only ever been told no. So I don't know what it feels like to get a yes. 

But like I said "All we need is one YES" just one. 

So I sit here and I don't think about it as much as I used to. The wait is still hard. It's still hard to see the crib set up in the old guest room that is now a nursery, but I'm getting used to it. 

I'm hoping, that just as I get used to that room being empty, that we will be taken by surprise and then BAM! we will have our new child! 

For now, I'll daydream about it while still moving forward!