Where we go from here.

After our first placement we decided to take a break. We needed to mentally, emotionally, and physically recover from that experience. This meant that during that time there would be no referrals coming our way - complete silence.

This break ended up being exactly what we needed in that moment.

When we felt like we were ready to start seeing referrals again we decided to schedule a meeting with our caseworker and the director of the agency.  We wanted to figure out how we wanted to proceed after the placement. The day after we decided that we were ready to start seeing referrals again, June 8^th – we got an email from our agency. The email stated that they were getting ready of their CHOICES program (the program where birthmoms make adoption plans) – effective immediately.

Wow. This was devastating news. Just as I felt like we were picking ourselves back up – we were knocked right back down again. Just like that. Boom.

What does this mean and how does this affect us?

When we were searching for an adoption agency and attending informational meetings to figure what agency we wanted to go with – we were attracted to our agency because they offered two different program: CHOICES program and foster-to-adopt. We loved both options and loved that we could work with one agency and have more than one way/opportunity to grow our family. Our agency is also open to all types of families and we loved that! Our thought process with the way this agency was set up: we had more chances of getting a placement sooner because we had more options. Now, whether that is correct or wrong – that was our thinking – and we were totally okay with either way and loved that we had this available to us.

After receiving that email and after our meeting with the director and our caseworker – we had to make a decision going forward. Being as we are not allowed to be with more than one agency at a time, we have to decide what to do:

• ·         Do we stay with our current agency and only do foster-to-adopt?
• ·         Do we transfer to another agency that does only birth mom adoption plans?
• ·         Do we find a place that offers both choices again?

There are many factors to this decision including what’s even available to us.  From the research that I have conducted so far there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot that will work for us for one reason or another: signing a statement that we don’t agree with (agreeing to one man & one woman marriage), cost (one agency wants $30,000 plus birthmother costs), location, services provided, etc.

So where do we stand at this point? Right now we have decided to stay with our current agency while also researching what it would take to go through an adoption attorney. I don’t like the thought of marketing ourselves and searching for our own birthmom, it makes me feel weird, but if anybody has any experience with this method – please, I would love to talk!

This means that we will no longer get referrals for women who are pregnant and making an adoption plan for their child – every referral and child moving forward will be in foster care. While we have been prepared for either scenario thus far – being setup to know that only one scenario (foster-to-adopt) will happen now (with many, many changing variables!) pushes us forward into knowing more of what is to come and we can’t wait for this next chapter.

Our first foster care experience

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. I’ve been wondering how I would talk about this experience and what it meant to me. To be honest, I’m still not sure how I’m going to do it.

It was April 23^rd, a Thursday, and we got a referral email that afternoon. I read it. Jerry read it while at work. We talked and made a decision by 3 p.m. We got the call a few minutes later saying that we had been chosen to take 2 kids, a brother (A) and sister (K). The boy, 1, and the girl, 6. We had 2 hours before they would be dropped off at our house.

Those 2 hours were complete madness at our house. Jerry had to leave work and as he was on his way home, I talked to Rowan and explained the situation and let her know that 2 kiddos were coming over soon – that we don’t know how long they are planning on staying, but that we will take care of them the best that we can while they are here.

The next 48-72 hours were insanity. Some of those hours I have completely forgotten and some of them will never be forgotten.

Target trip - 3 hours in

When K & A were brought to our home, I was sweating from having to clear out the nursery so quickly because it was loaded with everything from our guest room that we were redoing. The floors in the guest room were still drying from the 3 coats of poly I had applied to our new floors. And of course I had to make sure that all of our medicine was in our lockbox, a requirement to be foster home certified, among other things. There was so many things that I was running around doing, that I didn’t have time to process what was going to happen – it happened SO quickly.

Full honesty here – after we said yes to the referral and after we were chosen and got the phone call: I CRIED. Now, this wasn’t a: I’m so relieved, I’ve been waiting forever, and I’m so happy kind of cry. This was a: am I making the right choice, I’m terrified, and what if the kids hate us, what am I doing kind of cry. It was intense and I didn’t really know why I was crying at that time. I was just crying, even on the phone with our caseworker. My stomach was in knots, I felt sick, scared, but excited and ready. It was seriously a big jumbled mess of emotions.

I’m not going to go into all of the details of those first 72 hours because there was so much going on that I can’t even remember it, but a quick rundown of what we were going through:

• ·      The kiddos came with the clothes on their back and few donated items from the state.
• ·      After feeding all 3 kids we made a run to Target to pick up pajamas, diapers, pacifiers, sippy cups, etc.
• ·      Sleep Country stop to pick up a mattress and box spring for K (yes- only 3 hours after we had met them!)
• ·      Had to find a place to put K’s bed (made space in Rowan’s room)
• ·      On Friday, Rowan was home from school because she was fighting a sinus infection that whole week – we drove up to K’s school to see her get an award! YAY! Jerry was finishing up a second doctor appointment for A that afternoon, the first appointment was in the morning with the state – requirement after being taken from their home, and was on his way to see K’s award ceremony when he got into a fender bender. This resulted in a third appointment for A in one day as he was in the vehicle and it’s a requirement to take him in which resulted in a trip to the ER.
• ·      The following day, Jerry’s car ended up breaking down while I was home with all three kids. We had to get a tow to a car shop.
• ·      During this time we were preparing our house for my mom and her husband to arrive as Jerry and I had our graduation ceremony the next week and we were throwing a big graduation party at our house.
• ·      The emotions during all of this time were high. Between Rowan being sick, going from 1 kid to 3, dealing with a lot of driving with school, appointments, to the agency, etc; and having kiddos that didn’t know us.

There was a lot of crying those first few days by everyone. And days to follow by all three kids. The emotional rollercoaster was going full speed ahead and it didn’t stop.

Cinco De Mayo themed Grad Party

K & A were dealing with a situation that they should never have to deal with. Ever. However, even with the situation that they were in they were AMAZING kids. These two kids were so resilient, understanding, and good listeners, well K was anyways – it’s hard to get a 1 year old to listen. J But seriously, it was quite sad how understanding K was of the situation, thinking about how she shouldn’t have to be this mature and understanding – she should be throwing a huge fit and be hating this, but she didn’t. She was so awesome and was so happy, bright and smart – very smart little girl! And A, he was so needy, he just wanted to be held the whole time and loved and cuddled – which would be totally awesome if it was just him, but proves to be difficult when you have two other kids to take care of.

My mom and her husband showed up before our graduation and I don’t know what we would have done without them. They helped tremendously and I think that God gave us this situation at this exact time for a reason. And having them there, they gave us the emotional break that we needed from this and the physical break of everything that was put on our plate at that time.

K & A ended up being with us for 13 days. During those 13 days our world was rocked to the core. Every single one of us took something, if not lots of things, away from this experience. Rowan had a hard time sharing her parents – we knew that this would be a reality as she has been an only child for 7 years, but I think she will understand better what it may look like next time. We have learned our boundaries and we know that bringing in a 6 year old isn’t the best option for our family, as the age is too close for Rowan. I learned what it’s like to have three kids in the home – with two kids we know nothing about and who know nothing about us – and what that may look like next time around. We know that we can care and love for kids even if they aren’t our kids. We know that we can be there for each and every kid, even if one kid is always crying. There will be a time where we will have another kid and they will be in our home permanently. Right now we just have to continue waiting for it and take this experience and reflect on it, learn from it and move forward. I am so happy that I had the experience to parent K & A - even if only for 13 days. These kiddos needed us and they showed it! While the experience was short and crazy busy, I would do it all over again for those sweet kids!!