Where we go from here.

After our first placement we decided to take a break. We needed to mentally, emotionally, and physically recover from that experience. This meant that during that time there would be no referrals coming our way - complete silence.

This break ended up being exactly what we needed in that moment.

When we felt like we were ready to start seeing referrals again we decided to schedule a meeting with our caseworker and the director of the agency.  We wanted to figure out how we wanted to proceed after the placement. The day after we decided that we were ready to start seeing referrals again, June 8^th – we got an email from our agency. The email stated that they were getting ready of their CHOICES program (the program where birthmoms make adoption plans) – effective immediately.

Wow. This was devastating news. Just as I felt like we were picking ourselves back up – we were knocked right back down again. Just like that. Boom.

What does this mean and how does this affect us?

When we were searching for an adoption agency and attending informational meetings to figure what agency we wanted to go with – we were attracted to our agency because they offered two different program: CHOICES program and foster-to-adopt. We loved both options and loved that we could work with one agency and have more than one way/opportunity to grow our family. Our agency is also open to all types of families and we loved that! Our thought process with the way this agency was set up: we had more chances of getting a placement sooner because we had more options. Now, whether that is correct or wrong – that was our thinking – and we were totally okay with either way and loved that we had this available to us.

After receiving that email and after our meeting with the director and our caseworker – we had to make a decision going forward. Being as we are not allowed to be with more than one agency at a time, we have to decide what to do:

• ·         Do we stay with our current agency and only do foster-to-adopt?
• ·         Do we transfer to another agency that does only birth mom adoption plans?
• ·         Do we find a place that offers both choices again?

There are many factors to this decision including what’s even available to us.  From the research that I have conducted so far there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot that will work for us for one reason or another: signing a statement that we don’t agree with (agreeing to one man & one woman marriage), cost (one agency wants $30,000 plus birthmother costs), location, services provided, etc.

So where do we stand at this point? Right now we have decided to stay with our current agency while also researching what it would take to go through an adoption attorney. I don’t like the thought of marketing ourselves and searching for our own birthmom, it makes me feel weird, but if anybody has any experience with this method – please, I would love to talk!

This means that we will no longer get referrals for women who are pregnant and making an adoption plan for their child – every referral and child moving forward will be in foster care. While we have been prepared for either scenario thus far – being setup to know that only one scenario (foster-to-adopt) will happen now (with many, many changing variables!) pushes us forward into knowing more of what is to come and we can’t wait for this next chapter.