Our first foster care experience

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. I’ve been wondering how I would talk about this experience and what it meant to me. To be honest, I’m still not sure how I’m going to do it.

It was April 23^rd, a Thursday, and we got a referral email that afternoon. I read it. Jerry read it while at work. We talked and made a decision by 3 p.m. We got the call a few minutes later saying that we had been chosen to take 2 kids, a brother (A) and sister (K). The boy, 1, and the girl, 6. We had 2 hours before they would be dropped off at our house.

Those 2 hours were complete madness at our house. Jerry had to leave work and as he was on his way home, I talked to Rowan and explained the situation and let her know that 2 kiddos were coming over soon – that we don’t know how long they are planning on staying, but that we will take care of them the best that we can while they are here.

The next 48-72 hours were insanity. Some of those hours I have completely forgotten and some of them will never be forgotten.

Target trip - 3 hours in

When K & A were brought to our home, I was sweating from having to clear out the nursery so quickly because it was loaded with everything from our guest room that we were redoing. The floors in the guest room were still drying from the 3 coats of poly I had applied to our new floors. And of course I had to make sure that all of our medicine was in our lockbox, a requirement to be foster home certified, among other things. There was so many things that I was running around doing, that I didn’t have time to process what was going to happen – it happened SO quickly.

Full honesty here – after we said yes to the referral and after we were chosen and got the phone call: I CRIED. Now, this wasn’t a: I’m so relieved, I’ve been waiting forever, and I’m so happy kind of cry. This was a: am I making the right choice, I’m terrified, and what if the kids hate us, what am I doing kind of cry. It was intense and I didn’t really know why I was crying at that time. I was just crying, even on the phone with our caseworker. My stomach was in knots, I felt sick, scared, but excited and ready. It was seriously a big jumbled mess of emotions.

I’m not going to go into all of the details of those first 72 hours because there was so much going on that I can’t even remember it, but a quick rundown of what we were going through:

• ·      The kiddos came with the clothes on their back and few donated items from the state.
• ·      After feeding all 3 kids we made a run to Target to pick up pajamas, diapers, pacifiers, sippy cups, etc.
• ·      Sleep Country stop to pick up a mattress and box spring for K (yes- only 3 hours after we had met them!)
• ·      Had to find a place to put K’s bed (made space in Rowan’s room)
• ·      On Friday, Rowan was home from school because she was fighting a sinus infection that whole week – we drove up to K’s school to see her get an award! YAY! Jerry was finishing up a second doctor appointment for A that afternoon, the first appointment was in the morning with the state – requirement after being taken from their home, and was on his way to see K’s award ceremony when he got into a fender bender. This resulted in a third appointment for A in one day as he was in the vehicle and it’s a requirement to take him in which resulted in a trip to the ER.
• ·      The following day, Jerry’s car ended up breaking down while I was home with all three kids. We had to get a tow to a car shop.
• ·      During this time we were preparing our house for my mom and her husband to arrive as Jerry and I had our graduation ceremony the next week and we were throwing a big graduation party at our house.
• ·      The emotions during all of this time were high. Between Rowan being sick, going from 1 kid to 3, dealing with a lot of driving with school, appointments, to the agency, etc; and having kiddos that didn’t know us.

There was a lot of crying those first few days by everyone. And days to follow by all three kids. The emotional rollercoaster was going full speed ahead and it didn’t stop.

Cinco De Mayo themed Grad Party

K & A were dealing with a situation that they should never have to deal with. Ever. However, even with the situation that they were in they were AMAZING kids. These two kids were so resilient, understanding, and good listeners, well K was anyways – it’s hard to get a 1 year old to listen. J But seriously, it was quite sad how understanding K was of the situation, thinking about how she shouldn’t have to be this mature and understanding – she should be throwing a huge fit and be hating this, but she didn’t. She was so awesome and was so happy, bright and smart – very smart little girl! And A, he was so needy, he just wanted to be held the whole time and loved and cuddled – which would be totally awesome if it was just him, but proves to be difficult when you have two other kids to take care of.

My mom and her husband showed up before our graduation and I don’t know what we would have done without them. They helped tremendously and I think that God gave us this situation at this exact time for a reason. And having them there, they gave us the emotional break that we needed from this and the physical break of everything that was put on our plate at that time.

K & A ended up being with us for 13 days. During those 13 days our world was rocked to the core. Every single one of us took something, if not lots of things, away from this experience. Rowan had a hard time sharing her parents – we knew that this would be a reality as she has been an only child for 7 years, but I think she will understand better what it may look like next time. We have learned our boundaries and we know that bringing in a 6 year old isn’t the best option for our family, as the age is too close for Rowan. I learned what it’s like to have three kids in the home – with two kids we know nothing about and who know nothing about us – and what that may look like next time around. We know that we can care and love for kids even if they aren’t our kids. We know that we can be there for each and every kid, even if one kid is always crying. There will be a time where we will have another kid and they will be in our home permanently. Right now we just have to continue waiting for it and take this experience and reflect on it, learn from it and move forward. I am so happy that I had the experience to parent K & A - even if only for 13 days. These kiddos needed us and they showed it! While the experience was short and crazy busy, I would do it all over again for those sweet kids!! 

Siblings!

Well, it's been three months since I last wrote. Holy moly!

And these past three months have been insane around here. The busiest that we have ever been.

Everyone is in school, Bubba has been in school time and a half! On top of working full time. I've been doing an internship and another class.
Rowan has been busy and doing well in school and also took a theater class.

We all got sick... that stuck around for awhile.

And we all had to get the flu shot. The first one ever for Rowan and I. This was a requirement mandated by the state in order for us to continue to get referrals for children in foster care under the age of 2. I was not happy about it, but drug myself to Target to get it.

The referrals.... we've had quite a few these past months. And we have said no to the majority of them.
Some were high risk, higher risk than what we wanted.
Some were medical conditions we didn't feel like we could handle.
Some were situations with the biological family that we didn't think would be a good fit for us.
Some just didn't "feel right."

To be honest, I wonder if the fact that we have been so insanely busy played a role in the fact that we said no so many times. But at the same time I tell myself, probably not, because if it felt right we would have said yes. Because we in fact did say yes, and we have said yes and we continue to say yes to the referrals that feel right, that we know we can handle, physically and emotionally.

Somehow, we still haven't been chosen.

All in God's time.

I like to think that we were meant to wait this long to get through this busy season in our lives.
We are both set to graduate on April 30th. Bubba will continue on with his education in July to work on his Masters, but once I graduate - I'm done. At least for awhile. I need to a break and our family needs that from me as well. There are a lot of things that have been put on the back burner and it will be good for everyone that I will be done with school. Please Rowan will be home everyday for summer break pretty soon! ALREADY!? I can't believe it... the year just flew by!

We do have an ADOPTION UPDATE:

I received an email today letting us know that our agency received our amended foster license.

What this means.... well it means that we are now licensed for siblings.
We can take two kiddos anywhere from 0-7 years old!

Holy smokes... what a crazy, wild ride that would be!

Imagine bringing in two kids that are two different ages and doing different things and are in totally different stages!!

It's pretty exciting that we grew our way into this decision. I always knew that this could be a possibility, but Bubba was unsure. But he eventually grew into this and has thought that it's something that could be really awesome and that as family we could handle.

We are excited about this and what it may do for our future!

I'm off to compose a portfolio for my internship and write a business plan for my last classes for this degree! Hooray!

A referral.... finally!

A lot is going on in the House of the Guerreros. 

Bubba and I are both busy with school trying to finish our degrees for a Spring graduation. together.

I'll be starting and internship in January and Jerry continues his full time bachelor's program, full time work and an additional class at Pierce College. So I guess that means he's actually going to school time and a half. 

I've been busy with the PTA and volunteering at Rowan's school while continuing everything around the house and doing my job for a blogger. 

However, I just got "laid off" from my work. It's a bummer, but not a huge deal it was only a few hours a week. And to be honest, it's probably all for good reason, as my internship will keep me busy on top of my other class I will be taking. 

It's been 2 months since we last received any type of referral. And then on Thursday, the 4th, our caseworker came over to the house for a scheduled meeting and once she left I checked my phone and we had received a referral. 

This referral was for a 3 year old girl, obviously from foster care, and she would need respite care for the weekend (starting the next day, Friday, at noon) and then would transition into the family if the weekend went well. 

Bubba and I talked about it that evening and that night when we went to sleep, I tossed and turned all night thinking about it. 

What do we do? 

We could make this work!

What if it's not a good fit?

I want to! This will be great!

What if it's terrible and she cries the whole weekend?

AAHHHH!! 

So many thoughts that went through my mind that I didn't get much sleep. 

The next day we schedule a time to talk to the child coordinator and we had a conference call with her at 9:30 a.m.

I had compiled a long list of questions. I asked them, but there isn't a lot of information known and even some of the things known weren't certain. 

We decided that this would be a risk we were willing to take.

After we got off the conference call we had about 5 minutes to make this decision. But we put in our homestudy, along with 4 other families, and hoped for the best. 

During this time I am imagining everything we need to do to prepare for this girl's homecoming. 

 convert crib to toddler bed

wait... first clean out room that has become storage!

find someone to conduct crafts at school event for me

clean out dresser for her clothes

do we have the right sized blankets?!

lastly, we will have a blast doing the gingerbread house tonight!

Then, an hour later, we got the notification that someone else was chosen. 

The highs and lows that come with this process is so much more then I thought would ever be. There are so many things that you don't think about until you are in the moment and living it. 

We will continue to wait (well, we have no choice!),  but we know that we haven't been chosen yet because those children were not meant to be ours. Ours will come... in the mean time I don't have to clean out the room.

Moving on.

I've been avoiding my blog for the fact that it's hard to relive our last referral. We weren't chosen. We weren't even picked for the top 3 to have a meet and greet. 

That was very hard for me. for us. I did quite a bit of crying and was upset for days. I didn't want to come on here and explain that we weren't chosen. It hurts.

After not being chosen, for yet another referral, we starting analyzing everything from ourselves to our profile books to timing in our lives. I can't say that we have stopped doing that completely, as we are still talking about redoing our profile books. 

Going through this process can be completely excruciating and come with horrid devastation. Along with the excitement of a new and promising referral where we tell everyone we know because we feel like this is the one - THIS IS IT!! - also comes the horrible task of telling everyone that we weren't chosen and reliving the moment of when we were told - nope, sorry, it's not you. 

We have mostly moved on from that last referral and we look forward to future ones. While being overwhelmed with how busy September has been for me, it's also been a blessing to help recover from that emotional experience. 

I had a talk with our case worker the other day when she called to check up on us and see how we were doing and she always makes sure that we are still living our lives, making plans and moving forward while we wait for our child. As I tell her that we aren't letting the referrals hold us back, I began thinking that yes, actually I am!

It's so challenging when I think of a future scenario of, perhaps me getting a job, but then I think well what happens if I get a job and then 2 weeks later we get a baby! What happens if I love my job and then we have a baby and it goes against our entire plan. The plan that we have made for our family as a whole or the plan that we have laid out in our profile books given to birth parents. So yes, I'm holding back. The adoption is difficult to navigate and to figure out what to do in life while you wait for something that you want so badly. 

We continue to make plans, attend night and weekend college classes, purchase event tickets, schedule vacations and such knowing that we need to not hold our breath, that God has plan that he hasn't filled us in on, but we need to trust it. We have to keep moving forward and when the time comes it's going to be right. It's going to what we have waited for and we will figure out life at that moment in time.

Adoption is real. Adoption is challenging. Adoption is worth the wait.