Avoiding an ECON test

... yes that's right. i'm avoiding taking my Econ test. blah. who likes Economics? no one.

so i've been avoiding this blog as well. i wrote up this very long awesome post and you know what happened.. yeah THAT happened. it all got deleted. with my new and wonderful computer it loves to delete what i type. all the time. annoying.

and of course with blogger's awesome feature of automatically saving, everything was gone.

so this is me whining. and complaining. because this is my blog and i can.

all my original feelings about my first visit. down the toilet .. or blogosphere, rather. boo.

not happy about it. at all.

but will update later.. when i have more time.

being a "single" mom, a student, a shepherd dog keeper, homeowner, gardener and wife to a needy deployed hubby have me rather busy.

later alligator

Clean freak?!

Tomorrow is the day. the big day.

Our adoption specialist, Dianna, is coming to our house! It's an unofficial homestudy visit. And the first time I'm going to meet her! AH!!

At first the whole idea made me so nervous, and I still am a little bit, but to be honest I think most of my nerves are nerves of excitement. I know that most people go all clean freak before a specialist comes to the house, but I'm not.

which is weird. so weird.

i am a perfectionist. i love things to be a certain way. my house to be a certain level of clean. and it's not like that and hasn't been for two months. between being a "single mom", a homeowner, school, dentist appointments to start invisalign again, doctor appointments to diagnosis which autoimmune disease I have, adoption process and spending all the time that is required with a deployment for/with my husband I just don't have to stick with my high standards.

if bubba was here he wouldn't find it acceptable. he is more anal and more of a perfectionist than i am. that's our downfall. we balance each other out in almost everything else except for out perfectionism.

ha. sometimes its torture.

so my feelings going into tomorrow are excitement. scared. and a bit nervous.

i'm so excited to get this process moving forward, as slowly as we are being as he is deployed and all, but it's another step closer. to getting our baby..

i think about that day. the day that we will get to meet our new child. it makes me so excited i could just dance!! and cry. and throw up all at the same time.

so anxious. will my hubby come home already!?!?

As I blog

I am writing or talking to nobody.

nobody. at all.

While making this blog is a little risky for me. you see...

no one knows about my blog. yet. just my hubby. but being as he's in Afghanistan he doesn't even read it.

The thing is. We have told very select people that we are adopting. My mom. my sister and brother. I have also told my two besties.. Tarah and Josh (aka Christopher).

We have sworn them to secrecy. Bubba and I both feel that we don't want to share the news with people until our homestudy is done and approved. We feel like we will get through the process fine and we believe we will be approved, but many things could happen and we feel like it's announcing that you are trying to have a baby.. and then never actually pregnant. or maybe it takes a long time to get pregnant. and then you have everybody asking you all the time about it and wondering what takes so long. Being as even with the few people we have told, not a lot of people understand the process, the paperwork, all the training, and the time and all the PATIENCE involved with adoption.

So as I blog... to NO ONE.. I take a bit of a risk, with someone stumbling upon my blog that knows us. The odds are almost NIL, but you never know.. weirder things have happened.

But this is my out. my journal. my experiences. my life. I don't want to forget the feelings, trials, and process of the whole adoption. It's a new thing to us and I find there is very little on the open and honestness that goes into the feelings during the whole process. So that's me. Recording it for ALL..or no one.. or just me..  to read.

adios!

Lilac Season

Are you enjoying lilac season?! I sure am!!